The Daily Rambling Artist: Doctor Distracted: Seeking Life's Answers Between Appointments

I remember that writing used to come naturally to me during my early school days. The ease stemmed from my willingness to dive into writing without hesitation. Even at a young age, I was aware that I could revisit and revise my work, though I didn't fully comprehend the concept of editing back then. Nonetheless, the process gave me a kind of high.

This technique of fearlessly starting and knowing I could alter things is something I apply to various aspects of my life, including painting. There's a lack of hesitation, as I recognize that if I'm dissatisfied with a creation, I possess the power to transform it. It's a reassuring and euphoric sensation.

As I've come to understand my ADHD better, I've thought deeply about why this approach doesn't extend to all areas of my life. This method seems to thrive only within creative tasks. I made an attempt to seek answers from my doctor, yet he appeared preoccupied and couldn't offer a substantial response. Modern healthcare at its finest! But that's alright. My primary concern is that he ensures my survival. I don't take it personally.

The burden of finding this answer is ultimately mine, as this journey is an individual experience. I remember when I was first prescribed medication. I suddenly found myself capable of organizing things without hesitation. The sensation was astounding, and it brought about a positive feeling that I had only encountered in creativity.

In the past, I reluctantly engaged in organizing tasks and tackled various responsibilities with a sense of reluctance. To say I now tackle mundane tasks with the enthusiasm I feel when entering my studio is unfair, but it is way easier on medication. The transformation is incredible.

Equally incredible is the realization that I managed to accomplish anything in life given how I used to feel. Even when I'm not under the influence of medication, the insight I've gained is invaluable. I'm able to catch myself and operate more efficiently, and I consider this the diagnosis’s biggest gift. It’s like the Greek philosophers said, "Know thyself."

-Sergio Santos